Sunday, October 5, 2008

Australian Blogger Gives Self Three Months to "Make It"

Tired of the online audience's continuing failure to "get him," a disaffected Australian blogger has threatened to turn his back on the Net for good, unless Web readers display a "marked improvement in taste" by the end of 2008. David Free, 37, launched the blog "A Dancing Bear" in February of this year. The blog takes its name from the title of his first novel, which one critic described as being "just like 'The Da Vinci Code' only good."

Free, who describes his blog as "all killer, no filler," says that in recent months he's grown "well jack" of the public's preference for patently inferior blogs. Having already protested with a week-long strike that nobody noticed, he now feels he has no choice but to consider the draconian option of "pulling the plug" on his blog altogether.

Since his blog's inception earlier this year, Free has prided himself on his readiness to ask the questions that other bloggers can't be bothered to ask. Such as:

Who decided to call Starbucks' smallest coffee the "Tall", and why wasn't he kicked to death on the spot?

Why don't you ever hear the word knoll without the word grassy in front of it?

Why don't they make in-store surveillance cameras that actually work?

Do veteran character actors have stalkers?

Is it just him, or are the sword fights in a Shakespeare play like the harmonica solos in a Bob Dylan song?

Why don't you ever see statues wearing glasses?

Why on earth wouldn't a farmer want his chickens to come home to roost?

More recently, Free broke the story that Sarah Palin has the same last name as a man who once hit another man on the head with a large fish, causing him to fall into some sort of canal.

Asked exactly how many new readers it will take to save his blog, Free admits that he has set no numerical benchmark, preferring to rely on gut instinct to tell him if and when he's achieved "success."

"I can't define it up front, but I'll know it when I'm rubbing my enemies' faces in it," he said.